You've heard of binging terrible Hallmark Channel holiday movies in December, but what about binging a podcast devoted to terrible Hallmark Channel holiday movies? There is a glut of season content on every TV network and streaming service at this time of year, and podcasts are no different—so I'm here to recommend the best of the best of them all.
From shows exploring dark and weird Christmas histories; to reviews of your favorite Christmas movies and TV specials; to an audio dramatization of screenplay about a university where every year, 40,000 Santas go fight to the death to become this year’s Santa; these podcasts will help you get into the holiday spirit. One is even hosted by the Grinch himself!
Complete Joy
2015’s mini-series The Complete Woman introduced us to self-help author Marabel May, a 1960s housewife filled with poisonous advice about how to be a thriving woman in that era. (Marabel, played by Amanda Lund, harbors internalized misogyny and disdain for her own place in the world.) She also spun out an additional series, Complete Joy, which takes place in 1965 and sees Marabel a changed woman (thanks to electroshock therapy and a whole lot of tranquilizers.) It is now her mission to help women make the most of the Christmas season, planning perfect parties, buying perfect gifts, and drinking way too many cocktails.
Deck the Halls with Matrimony!
Deck the Halls (with Matrimony!) is a Christmas play for your ears, following everything that goes down at the wedding business Regal Bride. Best pals Emma and Jackie are just trying to get through the holiday wedding season when a mysterious and handsome stranger enters the picture. The writing is fast-paced and witty; the production, sound design, and acting are top notch; and the charming characters will warm your heart. It’s just so...cute.
’Tis the Grinch Holiday Show
You would think the Grinch would be swamped this time of year, but he has made time for a podcast, ’Tis the Grinch Holiday Show, on which he rants about Christmas and belittles his guests for liking it. He’s funny, sarcastic, and charming—you might even use the word “charismatic” to describe him. He’s nicer than I thought he’d be, is what I'm saying. With his court-ordered kid producer Cindy Lou Who (child labor laws don’t seem to apply in Whoville) he asks guests like Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson East about their favorite bunion or callus was, and nearly breaks down into tears when Bob Odenkirk invites him to Thanksgiving dinner.
Build-a-Prince
If you are already hooking the tinsel-covered IV up to your arm to inject as much sugar-coated content into your veins as you can, add Build-a-Prince to your queue now. It’s the story of Princess Adelaide, who discovers she must be married by Christmas in order to be crowned queen, so she decides to secretly create the perfect prince out of handsome American commoner Hayden. They fall in love, but not everyone wants Adelaide to be queen. It’s a Hallmark movie for your ears.
Christmas Past
I’m sorry, but what is up with nutcrackers? Why do we decorate Christmas trees, and what exactly is figgy pudding? Any Christmas lover worth their salt has to know why we hold these old, strange traditions dear. Christmas Past is a bite-sized podcast that will brush you up on the background of those things about the holiday you might take for granted—think "The Twelve Days of Christmas," elves, and Pfeffernusse (those little spiced cookies that look like snowballs). It’s a crash course in everything Christmas.
It’s a Wonderful Lie
You know those newsletters you get this time of year, from people you haven’t talked to in decades, that report on their families’ annual highlights? They can be painfully positive, cringeworthy, and...inappropriately entertaining. And sometimes they reveal a whole lot of unintended intel, provided you read between the lines. It’s a Wonderful Lie imagines the messy stories hidden behind those holiday letters, as Greg Hess, Holly Laurent, and Ashley Flowers read and comically comment upon Christmas letters from real people you don’t know, but you’ll feel like you do.
The First Mrs. Claus
Starring Michelle Visage, Lewis Black, RuPaul, Kristin Chenoweth, Cecil Baldwin, Josh Peck, and more, The First Mrs. Claus is a musical comedy that tells a version of the Santa Claus story you’ve never heard before—as narrated by Hot Coco, the real brains behind the whole Christmas thing, who was betrayed by her boyfriend Ari when he took over the holiday and christened himself Santa Claus, and ditched for a more picture perfect wife. This is the story of Coco taking back what she deserves. It's Christmas camp at its best.
Advent Calendar House
One of the best things about December are the Christmas TV specials. And if you are nostalgic for the ones that came out in the '80s and '90s, Advent Calendar House was made for you. Mike Westfall dedicates episodes to holiday episodes from shows like Alvin and The Chipmunks, Punky Brewster, Mister Rogers, The Smurfs, The Nanny, and more.
Santa University
Jamie Loftus is the woman behind some of the best podcasts ever mad— My Year in Mensa, Ghost Church, Aaack Cast, The Lolita Podcast,—but even big Loftus heads might not know that every year, Jamie writes an update to her long-running screenplay Santa University, about a university where every year, 40,000 Santas go fight to the death to become this year’s one true St. Nick. Her talented friends (including Behind-the Bastards’ Robert Evans, and other hilarious podcasters and comedians) do a cold read to the latest chapter. The show has been updated every year since 2017, and it doesn’t seem in danger of ending any time soon. Find it on The Daily Zeitgeist feed around Christmas.
Weird Christmas Podcast
Sure, Christmas is a warm and fuzzy time filled with good will toward men, etc. But there’s a darkness lurking there too. On Weird Christmas, host Craig Kringle dives into the creepiness of the season: elf folklore, holiday murder ballads, and Krampus. It’s a look at the history of Christmas occult, and the surprisingly grim ways people celebrate the season all around the world.
Behind The Christmas Hits with Drew Savage
On Behind the Christmas Hits, veteran radio host Drew Savage creates short, sweet episodes (five minutes or less) about the stories behind your favorite (or least favorite) Christmas hits. You’ll learn stuff you didn’t know about everything from “The Christmas Song” to Taylor Swift’s “Christmas Tree Song”—great fodder to share with your coworkers when you’re stuck at the holiday party listening to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” on repeat.
Deck the Hallmark Podcast
There’s a certain kind of person who can’t get enough of made-for-TV Christmas movies—no matter how terrible they may be. (Sometimes, the more terrible, the better.) If you’re one of them, you’ll be binging episodes of Deck the Hallmark Podcast faster than you’ll be watching Catch Me If You Claus, Haul Out the Holiday, Holiday Hotline, and all your other Hallmark "favorites."